Challenges - 07/03/2008

Here is what I currently face in the form of hurdles:

  • Moving from my apartment house.
  • Coming to a conclusion on a school to attend.
  • Coordination of the above.

My sources of cash are dwindling and because of this, the next two months will probably bring about some disheartening moments. Today, for instance, I managed to learn that the previous contact I had within the unemployment "office" had incorrectly explained to me that I had everything in line for my unemployment benefits. Regardless, I have reasons to believe that I may not be eligible for it anyway. In spite of this, I have optimism that everything will somehow turn out okay. Hey, at least I'm not working with someone I can't stand anymore!

Once I finally come to a conclusion as to whether or not I'll be attending any of the schools I'm looking into, I'll have a better direction to head towards. I'm going to continue looking for the time being, but as of right now, it's hard to say that I don't want to attend SIUC. It seems like a great place from what I have heard. One of the doctors there (he is a director of the behavioral analysis department) asked me why I wanted to pursue behavioral analysis in a reply email to me. I wrote the following up as my reply:

Allow me to extend my appreciation in explaining myself and my desire to begin a completely new trek in behavioral analysis. Out of all the schools I have inquired upon, you represent the first to wonder "why does this kid want to do all this?" Having said that, I appreciate your time and patience (as well as any feedback) pertaining to the Masters program offered at Southern Illinois University at Carbondale. Normally, I would be the person to make a simple list of reasons why I want to do something (if you prefer this, I will follow-up with that). For now, I will try to place all the reasons in a narrative of sorts so that my personality conveys itself in the best manner possible. To begin, let me say that I have come from an alcoholic background. My mother is a severely distraught individual who suffers from this wretched disease, but more importantly, she lacks an understanding of why she prefers to drink her life away - the true responsible entity behind her misery as well as others in my family. While this issue has always lacked understanding amongst my relations, it is clear that it symbolizes everything we wish not to be as we age and bare offspring into the world. Growing up in this sort of environment can have detrimental implications on someone who wishes to be successful and have a happy life. The chaos I experienced throughout these times eventually led me to the realization that all throughout my life, I was the unbeknownst victim of an emotional assassination. I hardly ever experienced or maintained proper relationships with friends, family or women, and when I did, there were usually residual concerns that always led back to being exposed to the aforementioned environment of my childhood.

During my undergraduate studies at Indiana State University (ISU), I came to the conclusion that life from my perspective could be better. During this time, this led me to cross paths with someone known as Dr. Nathaniel Hopkins of the ISU Student Counseling Center. He not only helped me through college, but he made me realize that things we might once perceive as being "normal" are actually quite the opposite, and above all else, he became a true hero of mine. Obviously, it would be difficult to explain everything concerning our discussions within our sessions, but Dr. Hopkins had a knack for opening doors in my mind that helped me get passed mental barriers previously construed as being impassable. I cannot explain how wonderful this made me feel; to experience life with an acute understanding of why things have happened the way they did for me; and I wish to do this for others weathering similar storms.

In the clearest form and best explanation, I believe that life is going to get worse for many people before it gets any better. This is extremely prevalent in today's American culture due to all the variables seen on CNN and the like. With that in mind, my desire to directly guide people to live healthy lives and motivate them to keep pushing onward outweighs my previous ambitions to become a professional web designer. I have always been a believer of cognitive therapy ever since my sessions with Dr. Hopkins, but above all else, I have always believed that when something feels wrong deep inside you, there is a reason for it. In my opinion, most of the problems taking place today can be associated with society's inability to completely understand the connection between those individual feelings and their true sources.

I grow tiresome of seeing people suffer from things they lack understanding of and while I realize that no one person can change everything, I do realize that one person can change a lot. Lastly, I believe that broadening one's tool belt is always smart and having an extended understanding of people (as well as different disciplines) can never be a bad thing whether it is financially rewarding or not. There are plenty of more reasons why I wish to partake in this journey but the above mentioned clarifies the major points.

It's difficult for me to sit patiently and await his response. I sent it to him yesterday, so I think it may take a few days to hear anything back, but I'm confident that if it is meant-to-be, that something will come of it.

News - 06/29/2008

Lately, I have come to many realizations regarding my career trek with information technology. To make a long story short, I've decided to try my hand in a few non-IT things. To begin with, I am a firm believer that the corporate scene is not for me due to everything you hear about it in mainstream media. Secondly, while I know I will be up for a challenge in this, and that it may prove futile in the end, I have made the decision to try behavioral analysis as a new career path. In other words, I'm going to try to be a therapist.

Everyone you talk to who knows me will say that I would probably make a good shrink. I'm a touch-feely person who is always blabbing on and on about life issues, but who is always trying to make things "better". My life has always had its ups and downs, and of course, to me, mostly downs. But it's because of my perspectives and mindsets that I think I'll be of use to social work - I know what "ticks" in those who have mental storms because I'm a nut in my own little way! Having said that, I know for a fact that I could truly help people because I've been forced to fight mental issues and defend myself in ways that people would never imagine.

So where to now? I have no idea. I'm looking at a school over in Illinois (Southern Illinois Carbondale), and I haven't ruled out possibilities in Indiana or possibly, further West. I would prefer to escape Indiana simply because I think it would be good for me. Indiana has many neat things about it, but in the end, I'm not so sure it's for me. So we'll see what happens... This may just be another stupid phase I'm going through, but in the end, I would rather die knowing I tried everything to find true happiness rather than being content with misery.

Don't ever give up on your dreams.